Monsters like to watch scary movies in bed. They like to get in chat rooms and watch streams of horror movies from the 80s. When they are alone in their room in the dark – they pull the covers over them to feel safe.
I love radiohead. Their bear mascot is so delightfully evil. He is actually an alien. But he isn’t one of those friendly bug eyed humanoid aliens from area 51. He is a carnivorous bear monster who flies between star systems on his polished silver ship and uses humans on earth as livestock to nourish him. He can’t possibly carry enough food on board his ship so he is forced to make food stops along the way. He herds great masses of people into his ship on harvest day. Thom Yorke’s songs discuss this gruesome slaughter at length.
Monsters spend their weekends sweeping blue fuzzy dust balls from under their bed. This is a friendly blue fuzzball called poof. She is poofy and sweet.
This guy is actually filled with helium and he also has helium filled balloons on his arms. He is a balloon with balloons. He is a gray cyclops monster with no depth perception. His reality is flat. He floats twice as well when he has extra balloons. He soars above the ground worried about approaching spring storms.
Bob’s Big Boy is a burger joint in California. This is their cool 50s mascot as a zombie. He has gotton fat from eating brain burgers and brain juice shakes.
This is a blue slime monster. He is transparent. Everything he is thinking you can read on his face. His name is Chuck and he is icky and wet. Everything he touches gets slimy. He is part jello – part slug. Chuck is wearing a black m&m cap.
This is a blue monster drinking a smoothie. He has magenta feet and arms, yellow teeth and his green eyes pop out of his head like mr crabs when he has a brain freeze. He is entirely too poor to drink smoothies but he gets them anyway.
This is a short blue monster with a purple Illuminati cap. His name is Josh and he sits in his car all day – drinks lean and looks at people as they walk into Walmart. He thinks his car is like a cloaking device and the people walking past him can’t see him. He is a member of the Illuminati and he secretly controls the world from his car.
This is an old lady witch eating a passive gray kitty cat. She is an outcast and a practitioner of Wicca and she casts black magic spells on the people she hates. She hates everybody. I have no idea why she is eating a cats head. It just happened. Reminds me of Red Dragon where Ray Liotta had his brain eaten while he was alive. You have no pain receptors in your brain so that silly scene its possible. She is obviously my mom though. Happy birthday mom. You earned this one.
This is a blue monster with one eye and sneakers. He has problems with depth perception. He runs into things. He hasn’t had a bath in a year and a half and he smells like corroded batteries. He listens to lofi hiphop on youtube and trolls the comments. He hates you.