This is a hap­py hip­ster mon­ster with a scarf, chucks and a pet bird. His bird pal mar­vin the mar­t­ian whis­pers bird gib­ber­ish and recites cole­trane solos into his ear. He thinks he is an alien but he is real­ly just from cos­ta rica.

This is a hap­py blue Post Mal­one mon­ster with Crocs, head­phones, ten­ta­cle arms and one eye­ball. He clicks his gold teeth to the rhythm of the music he is lis­ten­ing to and it makes his den­tist mad. His one eye rep­re­sents the influ­ence of the Illu­mi­nati. I like when peo­ple who are hat­ed by the gate­keep­ers come­back with the best work of their career and shame all their haters.

I did this friend­ly pur­ple car­toon mon­ster for a design firm in Min­neso­ta. Gar­ri­son Kiel­lor told me to insert a Luther­an joke here. Pur­ple mon­ster with green hands and feet, green hair and a red nose.

This is an amused cross eyed green mar­i­jua­na mon­ster named Liz­zo — smil­ing as she wears her fan­cy sneak­ers and breaks wind as she walks past groups of normies. Her bel­ly swells like her ego when she is par­tic­u­lar­ly gassy. She is a sen­tient weed mon­ster who is so dank that she is blue with resin.

This is a mon­ster under Tim­my’s bed. He is wait­ing patient­ly for an unsus­pect­ing house cat to jump down with­out look­ing so he can gob­ble him up. He is a trans­par­ent green slime mon­ster with red eyes and lots of pointy teeth.

This is an inquis­i­tive green mon­ster with big blue eyes and a blue visor. He is hold­ing his favorite kit­ty next to him.

This is a pur­ple mon­ster with four arms and rain­bow col­ored teeth. He is at peace with his ugli­ness. He takes Benadryl to sleep. Some­times when he takes more than four he gets tiny yel­low birds that land on him and chirp mys­te­ri­ous code like bird song.

This is an old Mac­in­tosh com­put­er. It rep­re­sents how prospec­tive employ­ers see me. I think they are too intel­lec­tu­al­ly chal­lenged to com­pre­hend that peo­ple get bet­ter at dif­fi­cult jobs as they become more expe­ri­enced. As Mal­colm Glad­well point­ed out: the 60,000 hour rule dic­tates that after about 20 years we become an expert at the jobs we prac­tice. You clowns need to rec­og­nize exper­tise when you see it and stop penal­iz­ing the peo­ple who will make you rich.

This is the mas­cot of Bob’s Big Boy burg­er joint as a zom­bie. He is a bit decom­posed but he still has an emo­tion­al life and a cute smile.

This is a car­toon illus­tra­tion of an icky virus car­toon. He has one eye and yel­low teeth. If he bites you — you will be sick for many months.

Mon­sters like to ride around small towns on old fash­ioned firetrucks with their mon­ster buds. They ride around in cir­cles blast­ing music, wav­ing at ran­dom peo­ple and smil­ing. They are too timid to put out fires but they like the idea of fire hoses and sav­ing peo­ple.