This is a blue monster drinking a smoothie. He has magenta feet and arms, yellow teeth and his green eyes pop out of his head like mr crabs when he has a brain freeze. He is entirely too poor to drink smoothies but he gets them anyway.
This is a short blue monster with a purple Illuminati cap. His name is Josh and he sits in his car all day – drinks lean and looks at people as they walk into Walmart. He thinks his car is like a cloaking device and the people walking past him can’t see him. He is a member of the Illuminati and he secretly controls the world from his car.
This is an old lady witch eating a passive gray kitty cat. She is an outcast and a practitioner of Wicca and she casts black magic spells on the people she hates. She hates everybody. I have no idea why she is eating a cats head. It just happened. Reminds me of Red Dragon where Ray Liotta had his brain eaten while he was alive. You have no pain receptors in your brain so that silly scene its possible. She is obviously my mom though. Happy birthday mom. You earned this one.
This is a blue monster with one eye and sneakers. He has problems with depth perception. He runs into things. He hasn’t had a bath in a year and a half and he smells like corroded batteries. He listens to lofi hiphop on youtube and trolls the comments. He hates you.
I love shamans and witch doctors. They represent a time when humans knew much more and much less about the natural world. They created fantastical stories and entities to explain all facets of experience. McKenna likens them to guides of the psychedelic spirit world. He thought ayahuasca was a conduit to communicate with aliens in other dimensions and shamans could help you understand this journey. They are a savage version of Virgil guiding Dante through the concentric circles of psychedelic hell.
Cthulhu Kid is a millennial punk who lives to cause chaos. Everything he does was intricately constructed to trigger his elder ancient ones. His main goal in life is the fight the power and create as much chaos as galactically possible.
Cthulhu is a monster created by HP Lovecraft. Considered a Great Old One within the pantheon of Lovecraftian cosmic entities, the creature has since been featured in numerous popular culture references. Lovecraft depicts Cthulhu as a gigantic entity worshiped by cultists. Cthulhu’s appearance is described as looking like an octopus, a dragon, and a caricature of human form. Its name was given to the Lovecraft-inspired universe where it and its fellow entities existed, the Cthulhu Mythos.
I love Elvis. When he was young he was the coolest performer in pop music history. He was good looking, talented and charismatic. This is Elvis when he wasn’t cool – after he turned into a fat blue monster. He has on a white jumpsuit with bell bottoms and gold sequins and platform shoes with fish tanks in the soles. Fat monster elvis is sweaty, corny and gross.
Monsters come out of their closet at night. But they only show up when you are scared and your back is turned to them. The tall transparent monster is named Andy. He likes to shine a flashlight through his head at night. It tints the room purple and blue like his soul. When you are in your bed in the dark – sometimes you can catch a glimpse of these guys while your eyes adjust.
This is a rave monster wearing pajamas. He dances with glowsticks in the dark. When he has had too many Benadryl the walls melt and iridescent spiders crawl around on the dance floor. If they bite you – reality explodes in a massive swirling psychedelic morass of strange alien faces and odd hiccuping electronic sounds.
Funny blue monster wearing a Santa hat. This is a festive chubby monster named Chet with yellow eyes standing around waiting for Christmas to come and for Santa to show up and bring him some Xbox games.
This is an illuminati mascot with orange feet and hands. He has only one eye so he finds it difficult to judge distances, hit a baseball and make those magic eye posters work. He literally stands there for hours at Spencer Gifts waiting for them to work – and nothing. He owns the world, runs every government on the planet, runs the music industry and dictates what every movie in hollywood is about but he feels left out. He feels rejected. His lack of stereoscopic vision has obliterated his sense of self worth.
This is a happy Christmas monster named Chris. He likes to give his monster buddies presents that he has wrapped in shiny paper. This season he is giving out onions and slime. They are his favorite things in life.
This is Hondo the Christmas Zombie. He loves to walk around malls around christmas. He is amused by how normies react to his appearance. He is harmless though as he only eats canned moo cow brains. He likes to season his brains with cinnamon around christmas. It gives him that warm Holiday festive feeling. He has a snake buddy that acts as his tongue as he lost his in an accident.
This is a green monster automaton with a fish pilot brain. The fish is called Eddie and the monster is called Chuck. Eddie uses Chuck as his big stupid body on land. He lives a normal life as a dishwasher. He has few friends. Most people think that he is his happy oafish exterior. They dont look close enough to see the depressed little ocean critter doing the driving.
This is a green monster with blue spines. He is happy and always has a big smile. He is a soccer player with black football boots. He thinks about and plays soccer all day everyday.
You are this mad. And by mad I mean crazy. Luckily your tinfoil hat protects you from those nefarious government mind rays. Smile monsters are so silly.