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Fast Food Still Life

fast food still life

fast food still life

Pop Art fast food still life. I did this postmodern masterpiece when I was homeless in California for about a year. I lived at a truck stop and I took my laptop and Wacom around with me in my bag like a sketch pad. You would be surprised how many people were in the same boat around 2009. It was winter and I would get a large coffee every single day. Three Splendas and two creams make their industrial style coffee really good when you are poor, tired and worried. Hardees is where homeless people eat and go to the bathroom. Take that Manet you trust fund having turbo hack. You wouldn’t know modernity if it bit you in your overrated  butt.

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Purple Nerd Pooping Candy

purple nerd pooping candy

purple nerd pooping candy

Have you ever wondered where those cuddly cute Nerd monsters come into play in the production of the candy? They create them in a highly unconventional way – they poop them out. It is a fact that your favorite crunchy fruit flavored candies are pellets of delicious poop. If you are diligent you can find Nerd monsters in the wild by tracking their rainbow colored droppings. My favorite nerds are grape flavored. I used to get them at the neighborhood convenience store on warm humid summer days between looming thunderstorms – where store clerks were outside running around with wild nerd traps looking to replenish their candy supply.

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Crazy Watermelon Monster

crazy watermelon monster

crazy watermelon monster with a knife

Most watermelons are cuckoo. They spend most of their time watching videos about extraterrestrials, conspiracies and Targeted Individuals. They are pretty sure the government uses alien technology to eavesdrop on their thoughts and beam voices into their giant water filled head. They were made crazy by the corporation that created them so they would grab the massive filet knife that people use to slice them into delicious pieces on hot summer days and they start slicing themselves. They are known as automatically carving watermelons. Just don’t get too close to them while they work.

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Chocolate Covered Cone Cartoon

chocolate covered cone cartoon

chocolate covered ice cream cone cartoon

When I traveled across the US and hit every tourist trap on the map – I would stop at Dairy Queen and get a chocolate covered cone. I got them mainly because they were cheap, sweet and delicious. I got so many I started to have conversations with them. They speak with an Arab accent by the way. I keel you you imperialist peeg. Do not savor my chocolaty sweetness or you weel die 10,000 diabetic deaths.

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Tracking Cookie Cartoon

 

internet cookie cartoon

internet cookie cartoon

Tracking cookies are so kawaii and sweet. They only want to follow you around to spread gentle chipper internet love with you. They would never do anything nefarious. The EU wants you to believe that website owners are doing evil things to you. But I get the feeling they are mostly using privacy concerns to throw shade and fines at companies like Google and Facebook.

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Humpty Dumpty Put Back Together

humpty dumpty cartoon

humpty dumpty cartoon

They said it couldn’t be done. But after considerable effort – all the King’s horses and all the Kings men managed to put Humpty back together. He still has a few small leaks though. But he is together enough to sit on the wall.

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Almighty Loaf Meme

almighty loaf illustration

almighty loaf illustration

Almighty Loaf is one of my favorite memes. Some cheeky bloke married some footage from Donut Repair Club with a monologue from the 80s movie Legend. What they created is pretty spooky. Not too long ago my hard drive died and I am going back and recreating many of my older illustrations. Edit: made loaf bigger and gave him some pupils. Painted him again from scratch. The other one had problems that I tried to fix and then decided it would be easier to repaint the bread part.

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