This is a Doug Stanhope fish. They are funny and they have the gift of gab but they have to light up a cigarette every 30 minutes or they go into nicotine withdrawal. Their fins start to shake and they get stressed and lightheaded. Sometimes they find it hard to cope because the airport is a no smoking environment so when they get to their destination they smoke an entire pack to make up for it. It is hard to believe that these fish don’t care that smoking is killing them, making their teeth yellow, giving them wrinkles and making them smell funny. They are sure that their constant persistent lung infection is probably fatal stage 4 small cell lung cancer but they keep smoking because it is easier than quitting.
I love to look in old encyclopedias at dinosaur fish and other aquatic critters from a long time ago. Anything with many rows of sharp teeth and reptilian slit eyes spark my interest. It is amazing how the many generations of ocean life end up fossilized and in stratified layers in the earth. And those layers when looked at — give scientists an organized glimpse into the past at the different species of ocean life that has lived and gone extinct. The further down they dig — the greater the distance they travel back in time.
Funny green squarish fish with fat red lips. Frank the fish floats around the soft warm waters of the Caribbean in winter time and dozes off to dream about flying in bright blue skies. He hears angelic music and feels peaceful and happy when he is asleep. He wakes up to drink like a fish and then he goes back to sleep to dream.
This is a painting of a cartoon dolphin fish with a stupid look on his face. This fish is big, oafish and dopey. He swims around slowly humming nursery rhymes and passing gas. He likes to mutter his mantra: “all is for the best in the best of all possible worlds” as he goes about his daily life doing fishy things.
Oarfish are supposed to be harbingers of doom. In folklore they are associated with massive imminent underwater quakes and tsunamis. If you see one of these sea serpents washed up on the shore — run for the hills. (Not really) Scientists have recently been warning about an imminent large quake in Socal. So naturally I moved back to Bakersfield. It is a city in the middle of a giant lakebed created by a large damn that will probably be compromised in a large quake.
This green cartoon fish is named Francis. He is an outcast. He swims around in the shallows looking for refuse to eat. He likes scraps of brightly colored candy worms and gummi bears. He loves to listen to his 12 year old iPod while he swims around in his discarded tin can. He is a vagrant fish with no friends and a penchant for making silly noises with his mouth.
Some fish aren’t water proof. If they get in the water they break out in hives and start sneezing and leaking. They are forced to spend the majority of their short lifespan floating around the ocean on a float.
I love eye stalks. People should have them. This is an imaginary friendly blue fish with black stripes. He is happy and carefree. His stress level is minimal. He spends most of his time blowing bubbles, preening his scales, listening to top 40 music and spraying his rounded red fins with fast actin’ Tinactin. They turn red when he gets anglers fin.
Sharks are great talkers. They have great big gravely voices and they endlessly carry on about the past. Their favorite topic is the Great War. They love to discuss how life was in the trenches and how the expression over the top came from trench warfare. Shark talking to a tiny fish he is about to eat. Fish are friends not food. I can’t imagine why anybody would ever go into the ocean when real life monsters like this exist. You are putting yourself into the food chain.
You have to love Dr. Evil. He is such a good spoof of a typical Bond Villain. This is a picture of a Shark With Frikin Lasers Attached to his Head. Edit: gave the shark a smile because you have to frikin smile when firing a laser and also added a laser radiation sticker to emphasize what it is.